


Too Bright to See

by grayimperia



Category: One Piece
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Secret Relationship, but not entirely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29811060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayimperia/pseuds/grayimperia
Summary: Luffy’s eyes are unfocused as he smiles at Sanji. Robin takes a measured sip of her coffee in the same amount of time it takes Luffy to bite clear through half of his sandwich.Sanji swipes a few napkins off the table and sets about wiping crumbs from Luffy’s face. “I’m so sorry about him, Robin-chan.”“It’s quite alright,” she says. And it is because there is something very sweet about the scene in front of her. Robin smiles. One out of seven lights click on.-Luffy, Sanji, the Straw Hats, and how it takes time to notice the obvious.
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy & Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates, Monkey D. Luffy/Vinsmoke Sanji, Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates & Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 12
Kudos: 133





	Too Bright to See

Late night watches have always been easier on Robin than some of their other crew members. Even when she wasn’t on the run for her life, she found entire nights could slip away from her when she had a stack of sufficiently interesting books. But when her watch finishes in the dead of night, she still finds herself suppressing a yawn or two before waking her replacement. And stirring the next likely grumpy crewmember awake was always a small joy. Some of them would yelp at the touch of disembodied hands, others groan into their pillows, and almost all of them would greet her with sleep-dazed eyes and cutely mused hair. 

As Robin crosses the deck, she tilts her head at the light peeking under the galley door. Luffy is next on watch, and it is well known that he never has the foresight to wake and prepare himself beforehand. Sanji turns to her from his place at the stove when she quietly toes her way into the room, wary of disturbing the crewmembers who should be sleeping, which includes Sanji. 

“Robin-chan,” he greets. “How was your watch? Not too cold, I hope. Can I get you anything before you go to bed?”

She shakes her head. “I’m alright, thank you. I was just going to wake Captain-san.” Sanji nods, turning away from her as if that could really be the end of their mysterious middle of the night exchange. “Unless I’m mistaken, and it’s actually your watch, Cook-san.”

“Oh, no, of course not,” he says. “Luffy just always wakes me up anyway for snacks whenever it’s his turn, so I figured I’d get ahead of him tonight.”

Robin smiles. “That’s rather thoughtful of you, Cook-san.”

Sanji beams under her praise. He babbles under her attention as per usual, but Robin notices his rumpled clothes and occasional stifled yawn. 

Robin summons a few hands below deck to jostle Luffy awake. Sanji cuts himself off when they both hear a thump that Robin assumes is Luffy tumbling out of his bunk altogether. “I guess there he is now,” Sanji says. “You might want to leave, Robin-chan. No lady should have to watch Luffy inhale steak, especially so late at night.”

And she really should go to bed. Late nights are not a chore, but too many missed hours make her reread sentences in her book as her mind wanders both to her bed and memories before it. But whatever is going on in this kitchen seems worth a few missed words in a book she was planning to go over twice anyway.

“Actually, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like a cup of coffee,” she says, taking a seat at the table.

If Sanji is suspicious of her intentions, he doesn’t show it, and her coffee finishes at about the same time Luffy shuffles his way into the kitchen. Luffy subdued by sleep is actually quite adorable. He’s less bouncy and more languid as he drags his rubber feet across the dining room floor to collapse in a chair, only mumbling, “Hi Sanji, hi Robin,” once his face is pressed against the table. 

Sanji sets down Robin’s coffee and whatever he had been preparing previously—which Robin now sees is a fully grilled and seasoned steak sandwich—and snorts. “Are you going to make it through your watch?”

“Yeah,” Luffy grumbles, lifting his head. His eyes are unfocused as he smiles at Sanji, but the softness in his expression vanishes once he catches sight of the meat and meat sandwich in front of him. Robin takes a measured sip of her coffee in the same amount of time it takes Luffy to bite clear through half of his sandwich.

“Remember to chew,” Sanji scolds. 

Luffy swallows, and Robin sees the lump of food slide down his throat. “It’s really good! Thank you, Sanji!”

“Yeah, yeah. But, seriously, show some manners.” Sanji swipes a few napkins off the table and sets about wiping crumbs from Luffy’s face in the pause between bites. Luffy squirms at the enforced denial of more sandwich, but he seems used to the action. “I’m so sorry about him, Robin-chan.”

“It’s quite alright,” she says. And it is because while Luffy’s habit of consuming food like a snake has never been his most attractive quality, there is something very sweet about the scene in front of her. 

Luffy takes Sanji’s lapse in attention as an opportunity to finish his sandwich in bite number two. He’s rewarded with a smack on his back, and Sanji chiding, “Chew this time.”

With his puffed cheeks, Luffy pouts but complies, slowing down his usual rapid fire eating. He still manages to finish in seconds, and Sanji sighs, “You never learn, do you?” before wiping the new crumbs off of Luffy’s face.

Luffy laughs, “Thank you, Sanji!” and darts out of the kitchen as soon as Sanji waves him away. 

Robin watches after him and tells Sanji she’ll be sure to wash out her mug after she’s finished so he can get some rest. He coos over how thoughtful and generous she is and proclaims that she is the light of his life. 

Robin just smiles. One out of seven lights click on. Though, if she were being honest, she had had her suspicions long before this night. 

-

It’s delightful being on a ship full of young people. Their energy is boundless and their antics are so amusing, and so many of them are athletic enough to jump into the ocean at a moment’s notice to rescue a wayward Devil Fruit user. 

It’s late evening, and they’re in rather cold waters when one of Luffy’s usual swings from the mast doesn’t quite go as planned. Perhaps it was the wind or his grip wasn’t as firm as it should have been, but Luffy’s arms arc too far to the side and instead of a practiced tuck and roll, he fumbles wildly as he bounces across the deck. Usopp nabs Chopper to duck both of them to safety, and Robin summons a few hands to pull Nami out of harm’s way. They’re so well practiced that it’s almost a wonder that Brook goes over the edge at all. But he does and the cold water chills him to the very bone. He’d laugh about it if he wasn’t totally immobilized. 

Strong arms haul him to the surface quickly enough. Zoro is viciously professional about the whole thing—he saves him with a grunt, warns him to be more careful with a grunt, and deposits him on the deck with a grunt. 

Brook tries to make light conversation during the little escapade. While he does like Zoro just fine, he vaguely wishes he had a more talkative savior, especially since Luffy seems to be having a great time. Luffy giggles as soon as the seawater’s out of his mouth and wraps his arms around Sanji’s neck. “I think that was even faster than last time!”

Sanji rolls his eyes and positions Luffy to better carry him back to the Sunny. “And do you remember what you said last time?”

“Uh, that I was hungry?”

“What else?”

“That there wouldn’t be a next time?” Luffy smiles. “Whoops, I guess that was a lie. Sorry, Sanji.”

“Apologize by not doing it again.”

“Okay! But you’ll still save me if I do.”

Sanji curses under his breath. 

On the deck, Luffy apologizes to Brook for accidentally almost killing both of them, and Brook assures him it is no trouble and could happen to anyone. Sanji huffs at Luffy to get off his back and asks both of them how they’re not freezing. As soon as he’s reminded, Luffy’s teeth start chattering. Brook, too, is chilled to the bone. And out of the water, he’s free to laugh. Yo-ho-ho!

A change of clothes later, Sanji supplies both of them blankets to huddle over their shoulders while he makes hot chocolate for Luffy and tea for Brook. 

“Mosshead didn’t even bother changing did he?” Sanji asks over his shoulder. “He’s going to track water everywhere, the bastard. Whatever, he can freeze to death if he wants.”

“Zoro loves ice swimming,” Luffy says. “Hey, hey, Sanji, have you ever gone ice swimming?”

“I just did, no thanks to you.”

Luffy laughs. “But it was fun, right?”

“As fun as saving my idiot captain ever is.”

Luffy seems to take his complaining as high praise based on his grin. 

“Well,” Brook says. “It was quite refreshing.”

“That’s one word for it,” Sanji says. He approaches the table, setting down their drinks, and his gaze settles on Luffy. “And I guess something you can say when you’re immune to hypothermia. Us non-skeletons should be more careful, right?”

Luffy appears to miss the pointed question, instead opting to down his steaming hot chocolate fast enough to make Sanji wince. 

Brook taps his chin. “I suppose that is true. Luffy-san, are you suffering from hypothermia?”

“I dunno.” Luffy tilts his head straight up to look at Sanji. “Sanji, do I have hyper pheromones?”

“You’d have to ask Chopper,” Sanji says. “But I don’t think so. And you’ve had a lot worse before. Remember Drum Island?”

“I got frostbite all over my entire body,” he says, voice brimming with pride. 

“That sounds quite painful,” Brook says. “My skin hurts just thinking about it. Except I don’t have any skin.”

“Chopper said it was really bad,” Luffy laughs, then, another glance at Sanji, and his mouth twists. “Sanji, do you still have a scar from the avalanche?”

Sanji waves his hand. “It’s small.”

This was obviously some story from before Brook’s time. While his crewmates reminiscing about adventures past sometimes made him feel left out, other times they only piqued his curiosity. Luffy was a funny little man, but he was complicated, or at least Brook liked to think so. And the expression he made at Sanji’s dismissal reinforced that. 

“Make sure you drink those before they get cold,” Sanji says. 

He turns to leave, and Luffy extends his arm to catch Sanji’s sleeve. Sanji immediately gets to work prying Luffy’s rubbery fingers off of him with an irritated “Luffy—” 

“You fell in too,” Luffy says. “So you should sit with us so you don’t get the hyper thingie.”

For two of the loudest people Brook had ever met, the conversation between them passes silently. A second light out of seven goes on, and Brook smiles almost as wide as Luffy when Sanji pulls up a chair at the table with a scowl. 

“You do know that if I get sick, it’s entirely your shitty fault, right?” 

Luffy sulks, and Brook wishes he had his violin. Ah, young people, he thinks. His heart pounds for them, if only he had a heart. Yo-ho-ho!

-

“Sanji-kun is going to kill you,” Nami says. 

“Nu-uh,” Luffy says back.

“He’s going to know even if you hide from him. And then he’s going to kick you overboard.”

“Nu-uh!” 

Really, Nami has no idea what Luffy is thinking, though that’s par the course in their relationship. But this, stealing a drink Sanji made for her and Robin—a fruity cocktail drink that Luffy probably doesn’t even like—was something they both knew would earn him a date with Sanji’s heel. And still Luffy had the audacity to stick his tongue out at her when she correctly pointed out, “Sanji-kun’s not going to be happy,” when she first spotted him. 

Luffy had made direct eye contact and slurped loud enough to wake Zoro sleeping a few feet away. After Zoro shuffled off, mumbling about how he had somehow become the last bastion of sanity on the ship, Nami offered to distract Sanji and dispose of the evidence of Luffy’s theft, all for a very reasonable price. Luffy had taken another sip.

“Okay, stealing meat is one thing,” Nami says. “And Sanji-kun usually lets that slide, but when you take something he made for Robin and me, you’re just asking to get kicked in the head.”

“I didn’t, though!” Luffy whines. 

“Didn’t what?”

“Didn’t steal.”

“Then how did you get that drink?”

“Sanji made it for me.”

“No, he made it for me and Robin.”

“Nu-uh! It’s for me!”

“You can’t just decide that.”

“I didn’t! Sanji did!”

Nami pauses. Luffy downs the rest of his drink. “Really?”

“Yup.”

Nami doesn’t quite believe him, but she knows Luffy is perhaps the worst liar she has ever met—second maybe only to Franky or Chopper. She considers the possibility that Luffy misinterpreted something Sanji said. Or maybe he made a deal with Robin that Sanji halfheartedly approved of because he couldn’t say no to Robin. Or perhaps Sanji had inadvertently dared Luffy to swipe snacks from the kitchen and Luffy took him at face value as he was want to do. 

“I’m going to go check with Sanji-kun,” she says, leaving Luffy to tongue the crushed sugar circling the edge of his glass. Luffy doesn’t try to stop her, which is another sign he’s confident in whatever conclusion he has come to about the situation. 

Sanji’s in the kitchen, prepping what looks to be a frosting bag when Nami strolls in. He whips his head up at the sight of her, already babbling about how amazing it is for her to grace the kitchen with her presence. “—And thank you again for letting me borrow your tangerines, Nami-san! You’re so generous, and I hope these desserts will reflect the care and attention you put into your wonderous trees!”

Nami glances over the trio of mini-cakes on the counter. While she doesn’t want to distract from her main objective of ratting out Luffy, she does admit to herself that they look good. “Thank you, Sanji-kun. I’m sure they’ll be great. But I have a question to ask you.”

“Anything! Just say the word, my beloved angel, and—”

“Did you give Luffy a cocktail earlier today?”

Sanji cuts his rambling off mid stream. “Oh, well. It wasn’t a cocktail. I mean, there was no alcohol in it.”

Nami narrows her eyes, especially as Sanji suddenly seems even more invested in frosting the cakes. “Really now?”

“No, he doesn’t appreciate the good stuff like you and Robin-chan.”

“I wasn’t asking about the alcohol.”

“Oh.”

Nami reviews the situation again. Sanji usually doesn’t lie so much as he clams up. Her eyes dart from his face to his hands working over the cakes. All three of them. 

“Is one of those for you too, Sanji-kun?”

He jolts at her question. “Ah, no.”

He doesn’t offer up any more information, and Nami decides whatever is happening is much more interesting than her initial suspicions. “Did Robin request two cakes?” she tires.

Sanji shakes his head. Despite looking away from her and his curtain of hair, Nami can make out a grimace. 

“So who’s the third one for?”

“Well, you see, Nami-san,” he says. “Luffy was bouncing around the kitchen when I started making you and Robin-chan snacks, and you know how he is! But I promise I only make him extra snacks sometimes, and only when we have a surplus! And I would never dream of neglecting you or Robin-chan over the shitty captain!”

Sanji manages to work himself up into enough of a frenzy of apologies and assurances that Nami starts to feel bad for pushing him. But she also tells herself that if he and Luffy could just be normal then she wouldn’t even be in the kitchen demanding answers in the first place. Because, really, what is the big deal? They’re both so weird, and Nami cannot fathom why they would make a secret over nothing. 

Then, the third light out of seven turns on.

“Oh,” Nami says. “Oh, I see.” She laughs, and Sanji deflates a little further. “Well, nevermind me! Sorry for barging in.”

Sanji assures her she is always welcome, and Nami reminds him not to let Luffy take advantage of the situation with a wink. 

On the deck, she passes by Luffy, still lavishing his glass with his disturbingly rubber tongue to get the few remaining specks of sugar out of it. “So I talked to Sanji-kun, and I think I owe you an apology,” she says. “But you should also know I’m used to a certain level of service around here, and I will double your debt if that starts to decline.”

Luffy blinks up at her, finally leaving the poor glass alone, before bursting into a smile. “That won’t happen,” he says. “Sanji is still Sanji.”

“And that doesn’t bother you?”

“Why would it?”

Nami laughs. “Well, I guess that answers the last of my worries. And stop messing with that glass before you break it.”

“But there’s still some at the bottom!”

-

Usopp knows he is playing a dangerous game. For the most part, everything is communal on the ship, barring a few personal items. Luffy’s hat is Luffy’s hat, and a person would have to be suicidal to think about touching Zoro’s swords or Robin’s books without permission. But beyond obvious, very few personal possessions were stored out of arm's reach of their owner. At least, for the male crewmembers. And while he was a brave warrior of the sea, Usopp didn’t have the courage—though really he’d argue he did have the self-preservation—to venture into the girls’ room. 

Dating back to the Merry, the men’s quarters had two purposes: a place where they all slept and a place where Sanji kept chest after chest of his stuff. Without a dedicated workshop, Usopp had also stored quite a few of his possessions there, too, but he’d argue that all of his stuff had practical value. Sanji just had clothes and books and journals and dirty magazines that he had nearly murdered Usopp and Luffy over when he caught them investigating Sanji’s mystery items. 

Usopp had mostly learned his lesson that day, but today his wallet was empty and he was out of paper. And he had already flipped a coin to determine if he would face Nami or Sanji’s wrath if caught. 

His mission had started off straightforward—get in, find some paper that Sanji likely wouldn’t miss, and then get out. In his search, Usopp stumbles upon something rather tantalizing. He debates for a minute if it is tantalizing enough to risk a concussion, but this time his curiosity outweighs his cowardice.

Usopp plucks what looks suspiciously like Sanji’s diary out of its hiding place beneath his folded suits. He scurries to a far corner of the ship to, well, not pry but just get to know one of his crewmates a little better. And possibly find something embarrassing to tease him over. 

Most of the pages are littered with recipes and observations about local cuisine. There are also a few cute drawings of fish and hearts and the occasional straw hat in the margins. Given that complaining about all the chores he does on the ship is practically an art form for Sanji—though he continues to do all of them unprompted everyday—Usopp wonders when he found the time to doodle. 

The most entertaining part by far, however, are the love poems. The ones dedicated to Nami and Robin make Usopp snicker, and every so often there’s one inspired by a girl Sanji must have ran into on an island. Usopp isn’t sure why Sanji bothers writing these down since there’s nothing in them he hasn’t heard him say aloud without a hint of remorse for his pride. They’re all stuffed with flowery drivel and some have a few laughably awful rhyming schemes. Usopp has to bite on his fist to stop himself from howling with laughter once he figures out that these poems are likely Sanji workshopping his speeches. 

Of course, there are only so many times he can read about how Nami is a goddess sent to grace them with her divine presence before he starts skimming through them. They’re mostly all the same except for every so often a shorter one will catch his attention. Scattered throughout are a few half page love letters all dedicated to a girl with a brilliant smile. And, for some reason, they’re all unfinished, often ending in ink blots as if Sanji got distracted and let his pen linger on the page every single time he wrote about this girl. 

Usopp may be a great warrior but he also considers himself a great detective in his off hours. He’s in the midst of puzzling over Sanji’s mystery girl when a voice speaks directly into his ear, “Whatcha looking at?”

Usopp nearly falls over as he swivels his head to gape at Luffy squated next to him. Before he can yell at Luffy, he takes a deep breath and reasons he was probably quite out of it if Luffy, of all people, could sneak up on him. Luffy also takes the moment to snap up Sanji’s diary from where Usopp had dropped it in his panic. 

Luffy points at one of the doodles on a corner of a page. “It’s a fish wearing my hat! That’s pretty funny, Usopp. You’re a really good artist.”

“I am,” Usopp says. “But I didn’t draw that. Sanji did. That’s his diary, so don’t bend the pages like you’re doing right—Luffy!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Luffy laughs. “But there’s so many funny drawings! How’d you get Sanji to give you his diary anyway?”

“He, uh, doesn’t know. I’m borrowing it.”

Luffy appears to contemplate this as he flips through the pages. Usopp debates trying to grab it out of his hands but a tug of war that could result in torn pages is the last thing he wants. Usopp is also not entirely sure if Luffy can read, so he figures biding his time until he gets bored is likely his best strategy. 

But then Luffy pauses on a page. Usopp peers over his shoulder to see that it’s one of the half page love letters and snorts. “There’s so many of these. Here, I can do a dramatic reading.” 

Luffy doesn’t let the book go as easy as Usopp thought he would, and they end up each holding half as Usopp does his best Sanji impression, reading aloud about a sunny girl who he would do anything to make smile. 

When he finishes, Usopp is chuckling and it takes him a second to notice Luffy is not. Instead, his eyes are narrowed and he studies the page so intently, Usopp wonders if he’s managed to solve the mystery that eluded him. Feeling awkward at the silence, Usopp clears his throat. “Uh, well, whoever this girl is, she must have really caught Sanji’s attention. He writes about her almost as much as Nami and Robin.”

Luffy is quiet for another moment—which is downright unnerving—before flipping to the next half page. “Hey Usopp,” he says. “I won’t tell, but you shouldn’t go through Sanji’s stuff anymore. It’s,” he pauses, “an invasion of piracy.”

“Privacy.”

“But we’re pirates?”

Usopp sighs. “Alright fine, you’re right. I just thought it might be a little fun.”

Luffy tilts his head before breaking out in a grin. “These are fun. I’m gonna go talk to Sanji!” With that, he literally shoots to his feet, launching himself across the ship.

Usopp takes a minute to recover before returning to the mens’ room to slide the diary back into place. He isn’t entirely sure what just happened until a few days later when he’s at the galley table fiddling with a new hot sauce bomb under Sanji’s watchful eye to ensure no actual food items go to waste. 

Luffy scrambles in to tug at Sanji’s apron and beg for food. It’s business as usual—Luffy whining and Sanji kicking at his rubbery hands before finally giving in and tossing him a piece of meat that Luffy catches in his mouth. Despite his show of irritation, Sanji smiles. “Satisfied?”

“Yup!” Luffy says, tearing off an inhumanly large chunk of meat. Then, Luffy goes off script, chewing his meat with an almost thoughtful expression. Once he’s swallowed, he takes a step further into the kitchen and whispers as quietly as he’s able to, which is still loud enough for Usopp to hear, “Hey Sanji. I like it when you smile, too.”

Sanji, unfortunately, is better at whispering, and Usopp misses his response. Luffy dashes out of the kitchen, laughing, and a noticeably red Sanji snaps at Usopp to hurry up, make his shitty spice bomb, and get the fuck out. 

Usopp would chalk the entire incident up to Luffy being Luffy and pissing Sanji off, but he decides to risk death once again and sneaks another look at Sanji’s diary. It’s on this read through that he realizes the poems never mentioned a girl. The fourth light out of seven clicks on.

Sanji does catch him this time and turns bright red. He also slams his foot into Usopp’s face an impressive four times before Usopp can even get one teasing remark out. And then another three after Usopp does, but despite Chopper’s claims to the contrary, Usopp thinks it was totally worth it.

-

Franky has to admit he’s a bit disappointed in his male crewmembers. The bath was one of his most impressive feats of invention on the Sunny, and three of them only make use of it once a week. He supposes he can give Brook and Luffy a pass as even a too full bathtub could lead to trouble for a Devil Fruit user, but Nico Robin managed to figure it out. Though he’s also aware she is quite a bit smarter than Brook and Luffy put together. 

The smell that starts to waft from Luffy and Zoro near the week’s end is also another reason to gesture to the lovely bath Franky made with his blood, sweat, and tears, except he doesn’t cry. Nami and Sanji usually agree with the smell part and nag them enough that Franky’s super invention gets some use. 

And then there’s all the manly bonding they’re missing out on. Sanji had pulled a face when Franky waxed lyrical about the joys of communal bathing and the bonds men could develop by showering together and washing each other’s backs. “I think I’ve made enough shitty bonds,” Sanji had said. 

Franky gestured to Nami and Robin. “But look at Nico Robin and Nami-sis. They bathe together every day, and they’re super close!”

The image of Nami and Robin bathing together took Sanji out of the conversation, but Zoro interjected, “Isn’t that just so Robin won’t drown?”

“Partially,” Robin had said. “But the company is also nice.”

“It does sound kinda fun,” Luffy said. “Hey, Franky! Can you also sing songs together and splash each other and stuff?”

“You sure can!”

“Then it sounds really fun! Okay, okay, let’s all have a bath together. Captain’s orders!”

Sanji buried his face in his hands while Usopp patted his back, assuring him it probably wouldn’t be that much of a disaster. Chopper pressed his hooves together and shyly admitted it was nice to have someone help clean his fur. Brook reminded everyone to be sure to wash behind their ears before laughing about how he didn’t have any. Zoro scowled, protesting that he already took a bath five days ago.

Franky was jazzed about the idea and played a few chords on his guitar until Robin told him to stop. 

When dinner finished, everyone vacated the kitchen, except for Sanji, as per usual. As per unusual, he called Luffy back so he could talk to him in private. Franky thought it was a bit odd, but he knew he should give his bros some space. Besides, he had a communal bath to get ready for, and he wasn’t entirely sure if he’d have enough time to implement and test new water jets before they all assembled for the night. Oh well, he could save the testing part for when everyone was together. 

Only two out of the seven newly installed jets ended up exploding, which Franky decided to count as a win. Really, the entire evening was a super win. Luffy and Usopp played some game that involved kicking water back and forth. Brook sang and scrubbed at Chopper’s fur. Even Zoro stopped complaining after a while as he settled back into the bath. The only downside was that Sanji seemed to have weaseled his way out of participating. 

During a pause in Luffy and Usopp’s game, Franky asked, “Is Sanji-bro not coming?”

“Nah,” Luffy shook his head. “He said he already showered today, so it’d be wasting water.”

“Idiot probably just wanted alone time with the girls,” Zoro said. 

“Or maybe Sanji-san is shy,” Brook said. “He does seem a bit sensitive.”

“I don’t know about that,” Usopp said. “It’s not like this is the first time we’ve done something like this. They had a big communal bath back in Alabasta.”

“That was nice,” Chopper hummed. Brook opened his mouth but Usopp shot him a look over the little reindeer’s head that made him close it and laugh instead. While the others may have missed the exchange, Franky definitely didn’t.

Over the next few days, Franky became pertinently aware there was some loop that the others were keeping him out of. Brook yo-ho-ho’d when confronted about it and started playing a song on his violin over Franky’s protests. And Usopp, despite usually folding like a cheap suit, stammered through a lie about how he really didn’t know anything, honest. The best he could get was Nico Robin smiling and telling him it wasn’t her secret to tell.

Franky still kept to his schedule and performed as a super shipwright would despite his crew being so weird. He built his robots, kept Sunny in tip-top shape, and threatened whoever happened to be damaging Sunny that day. 

On one fateful day, it’s Luffy and Usopp—but mostly Luffy.

Usopp drags Luffy onto the deck by one rubbery ear. Usopp looks fine, barring his irritated expression, but Luffy’s entire upper body is covered in soot. “Franky,” Usopp says. “I’m gonna need help repairing the Usopp Factory.”

“Why?” Luffy asks. “I put all the fires out, even the really big one.”

Nami snaps at Luffy to go clean up and stop touching things before the entire ship is coated in whatever grime is caked onto his skin. 

Franky shakes his head and lets Usopp escort him to the disaster zone. Most of the surrounding supplies would be fine after a decent clean, but Usopp was definitely going to need a new workbench given that his old one had a hole burned clean through it. The walls could use a new coat of paint, too. Franky continues his assessment, turning things over for further inspection and sorting them into piles based on salvageability while Usopp made a list for later reference. When they finish, it turns out it really could have been worse, though Franky’s hands and knees have a thick layer of soot pressed into his metal joints. 

“I’m gonna head out and take a shower, Usopp-bro,” he says. “But getting you a new table will be my first priority when I’m done.”

Usopp waves him away, already focused on crafting a budget that won’t sink him too far into Nami’s debt for the things that do need to be replaced. 

There’s steam coming from the bath when Franky arrives, but as long as it’s not Nami or Robin there isn’t a reason he can’t share the space. Although once Robin did imply she wouldn’t mind if he specifically wanted to take a shower with her. Franky is still decoding what she meant by that. 

As expected, Luffy is one of the bath’s occupants. He’s sitting on a small stool, a towel around his waist and, less expectedly, Sanji stands behind him, his hands buried in Luffy’s hair. 

Franky greets both of them as he settles in under one of the showerheads. Luffy chirps a hello back, but Sanji remains focused on his task, which appears to be shampooing the grime out of Luffy’s hair. There’s a few peaceful minutes of silence marked only by Luffy’s humming or occasional sighs as Sanji massages his scalp. “Franky,” Sanji says eventually. “Do you know what this shit is and why it’s so sticky?”

“You’d have to check with Usopp-bro, but there’s definitely some sap in there.”

“That explains it,” Sanji says. “Well, whatever. It’s not like your hair wasn’t full of gross shit before this.”

“I took a bath yesterday.” 

“Did you wash your hair?”

“No…” Luffy says, leaning up into Sanji’s touch. “And it’s better when you do it anyway.”

Franky smirks as he watches the two of them. Sanji’s usual brusque demeanor seems more like gentle nagging in this quiet, swordsman free environment, while Luffy is melting in contentment under Sanji’s attention.

“I feel bad for Luffy-bro’s future wife,” Franky says, startling both of them. “She’s gonna have a tough act to follow after having Sanji-bro take care of you for so long.”

It could be the steam, but Franky thinks he sees Sanji flush as he ducks his head to let his hair obscure more of his face. Luffy hums. “I don’t get it. Why would I need a wife when I have Sanji?”

“Shut up,” Sanji says, voice high and tight.

Franky laughs. “Sorry, didn’t mean to tease you. But you are good at all that stuff—cooking and cleaning and helping Luffy-bro with shit like this. In fact,” he gives him a thumbs up, “I think it’s pretty super of you.”

Luffy tilts his head up to make eye contact with Sanji through his bangs. “I think you’re super, too!”

Sanji turns a shade redder, and he pushes Luffy’s face back down to scrub at his hair. “I said shut up.”

Franky doesn’t get why Sanji’s so embarrassed. He just told him it was totally super that he was good at traditionally feminine stuff. Maybe it was a masculine pride thing? Franky knows from experience that not everyone is as secure in their masculinity as he is, but he didn’t think Sanji was so sensitive about it.

Then, Luffy reaches up to encircle one of Sanji’s wrists. “And I said,” Luffy says. “I don’t need a wife. I have Sanji. And Sanji’s really super!” Sanji’s blush has crept all the way to his ears and down his neck, and he casts a nervous glance at Franky for some reason. After a moment, he sighs and works his hands back through Luffy’s hair. 

It takes another second for the gears to turn in Franky’s head. Then, the fifth out of seven lights clicks on, and he bursts into tears. He insists he isn’t crying as he blubbers that he thinks they are just so super, even when Sanji tells him to shut up again.

-

There were some aspects of human behavior that Chopper resigned himself to never understand. Chief among them was alcohol consumption. He understood alcohol’s effects on the human body, the dangers if excessive amounts were consumed, and the range of human stupidity that manifested when moderate amounts were consumed. 

The state of Zoro’s liver is a constant background concern, but Zoro insists it’s not a real problem until he gets sliced open and they can physically see the damn thing. Then and only then can Chopper worry. 

In fairness to Zoro, Chopper does have to admit he holds his alcohol better than most of the crew. Though that may be because some of them absolutely cannot.

“Don’t—don’t give him the good shit!” Sanji slurs, tripping over his own feet to grab a bottle out of Brook’s hands. “The—fuck—the pig swill’s, uh, pig swill’s under the sink. Shit.” 

Brook laughs and gently presses down on Sanji’s shoulder to get him to sit to little avail. “Pig swill for Zoro-san under the sink. Understood, Sanji-san.”

Zoro slams the bottle he just finished off by himself on the ground. “Why do we even have ‘good shit’ and ‘bad shit?’ Idiot’s obviously too drunk off his ass to know the difference.”

“Some of us,” Nami says, “actually can tell them apart. And we’d be even more broke than we currently are if we didn’t buy you the cheap crap.”

“That’s right!” Sanji says, thrusting a wobbling finger in Zoro’s face. “Listen to Nami-san! She knows everything!”

The weather had lent itself to a barbecue on the deck, which then lent itself to a late night of drinking. Chopper frowns because he knows that lends itself to him spending his morning making hangover cures. Everyone babbles and drinks, and Chopper goes into doctor mode, already assessing the damages he’ll have to clean up. 

No one actually knows Zoro’s max tolerance, so he’s probably fine, though he can be more aggressive than usual once he gets too many bottles in. Nami’s in a similar boat, except she gets giggly instead of violent. Chopper isn’t entirely sure if Brook can get drunk or not, but he tends to loosen up as everyone else does, getting drunk off the atmosphere. 

Chopper has never seen Robin drunk, and it doesn’t look like she’ll change that tonight, though she is a bit more talkative than usual. It would be nice if she didn’t seem so invested in telling morbid story after morbid story. Surprisingly, Luffy also rarely drinks enough to get truly wasted, though that could be his rubber constitution holding strong. 

Usopp is starting to get wobbly on his feet, and Chopper is never sure whether to be grateful or annoyed at his lack of coordination while inebriated given alcohol functions as liquid courage for him. It overall translates to him both getting himself into more stupid stunts than usual but generally failing to execute them. Franky is just as clumsy and somehow manages to get even louder than normal. Currently, he’s found his guitar and is busy leading Luffy, Usopp, and Brook in some offkey song that they’re probably all making up on the spot. Chopper frowns. Or maybe it’s a common human song they never shared with him. 

And then there’s Sanji who is an absolute disaster. The first time they all drank together, Chopper had been convinced that Sanji’s cup was filled with something different than the others based on how fast he descended into a stumbling mess.

Sanji makes a swipe for the bottle Zoro is currently drinking straight out of. Zoro shoves him back with more force than necessary—especially given Sanji’s inebriation—and a few of Robin’s arms appear to stop him from going overboard.

“Careful, Swordsman-san,” she says. “If Cook-san were to go for a swim in his current state, he would undoubtedly drown.”

“Good,” Zoro says. “Teach him a lesson.”

“You can’t learn a lesson if you’re dead,” Usopp says. 

“And no drinking while sparing!” Franky says. “You could spill on Sunny’s deck!”

“And you could also get really hurt,” Chopper adds.

Zoro jerks a thumb at Sanji. “Maybe this dumbass will.” 

Luffy stretches his arm to grab Sanji and pull him towards the singing group before he can snap back at Zoro. “No fighting,” Luffy says, raising his cup. “Just drinking! And songs! Ooh, and snacks! And games, too!”

Nami sighs in exasperation. 

“Perhaps a drinking game?” Robin suggests.

“Woo! I like the way you think, Nico Robin,” Franky says. “Skeleton-bro, you’ve been around forever. Know any good ones?”

“Yo-ho-ho,” Brook laughs. “When a crew knows each other well, ‘Most Likely’ is a fun game.”

Brook explains the rules before starting himself. “Hmm, who is most likely to crash the Sunny if left in charge of navigation?”

Almost everyone, a few of Robin’s extra hands included, points to Luffy, who squawks in protest. He grumbles into his drink, finger still pointed at Zoro along with Sanji. “At least Sanji isn’t a traitor.”

“If Zoro were in charge, we wouldn’t even be able to find land to crash into,” Nami says. “Anyway, who is most likely to… get pickpocketed?”

Again, everyone barring Luffy and Sanji points to Luffy. Chopper blinks at the two fingers pointed at him. “Me?”

“You guys are fucking idiots—except Nami-san and Robin-chan,” Sanji mumbles. “Luffy doesn’t carry any money on him.”

“Good point,” Usopp says, changing his choice to Chopper along with enough of the others to force him to empty his fruit juice. “But wait, if it’s a girl, then definitely Sanji.”

Nami snorts in agreement. “Okay, now I can’t choose.”

“What do you say, Skeleton-bro?” Franky says. “Can we pick two?”

“I think the rules are ours to make up as we please,” Brook says. He adjusts his skeletal finger to point at Sanji. “Which is unfortunate for Sanji-san.”

Sanji frowns, cursing under his breath as he downs his drinks. 

“Um,” Chopper says. “Can I have a turn?”

“Of course, Doctor-san,” Robin says. 

“Okay—” he cuts himself off when Zoro leans close, whispering in his ear. “I don’t think I want to ask that.”

“You’re the doctor. It’d be good for you to know.”

Robin narrows her eyes. “Swordsman-san, what exactly are you putting Doctor-san up to?”

Zoro shrugs in response, but not even Chopper misses the way he’s smirking at Sanji. “Okay,” Chopper says. “Zoro wants to know who is most likely to get an STD.”

Nami and Usopp start cackling. Sanji snarls. “You fucking cocksucking shitty bastard.”

“What are you mad about?” Zoro says. “We haven’t even voted yet.”

It’s near unanimous for Sanji, with the exception of Luffy who taps his chin in thought before pointing at Nami. 

“Me!?” Nami balks.

“Yeah,” Luffy says. “You have a lot of sex, right?”

“No!”

“Don’t point at Nami-san,” Sanji says. “Just pick me.”

Luffy tilts his head. “But that’s wrong?”

“It’s fine,” Sanji says, taking another drink.

The game continues. Usopp asks who’s most likely to fall for an obvious lie—a three way tie between Luffy, Chopper, and Sanji (which Luffy protests, “But Sanji’d know the girl is lying. He just wouldn’t care.”). Franky asks who’s most likely to be accused of being a pervert and proudly points at himself, though Sanji wins again (Luffy raises his hand in genuine confusion, “But doesn’t Brook ask people for their underwear?”). Robin thinks for a moment before asking who likely had the most colorful past (“Colorful is up to your interpretation,” she clarifies, to which Zoro responds, “You mean embarrassing?” while Luffy chimes, “Robin always has great stories!”). Franky and Sanji tie after Franky whines about not getting to drink the previous round. Robin also muses that she thinks a certain swordsman has started playing a different game from the way he laughs at Sanji finishing off another drink. Brook responds that his ears aren’t burning, so it can’t be him—“And also I don’t have any ears! Yo-ho-ho!”

Sanji’s already pointing at Zoro as he starts tripping over his words. “The fucking most shitty likely to cut off their own shitty feet like a fucking shitty idiot! You fucking dumbass!”

Zoro doesn’t bother waiting for the others to chime in before taking his drink. He wipes his mouth off on the back of his hand. “Most likely to have the worst hangover tomorrow.”

Nami rolls her eyes as she points at Sanji. “Is this even a game anymore?”

“I fucking hate you,” Sanji says to the bottom of his cup—and likely Zoro as well. When he finishes his most recent drink, he’s having trouble even sitting up, and Luffy presses a hand to his shoulder to encourage him to lean against his body for support. 

“My turn!” Luffy says. “Okay, um, most likely to know a good drinking song!”

His bright grin and point towards Brook breaks the previous atmosphere. Brook laughs at the attention and offers to play a few now that everyone had a turn with the previous game. Franky lends him his guitar, and he starts to strum a familiar pirate jig. 

Chopper didn’t approve of the constant drinking, but he does love singing and inches closer to Brook. With no restrictions of a game, drinks flow more freely, and soon almost everyone is singing along rather poorly. 

A few songs in, Chopper looks over to Sanji who stopped singing some time ago. His head is lolled onto Luffy’s shoulder, and Luffy has an arm wrapped around his waist to keep him upright. Chopper scrambles over to tug at Sanji’s sleeve in between songs while the others applaud and throw out requests. “Sanji, are you awake?”

Sanji mumbles something unintelligible, pressing his face into Luffy’s neck. The movement catches Luffy’s attention, and he reaches up to pat Sanji’s head. “He’s gonna be grumpy in the morning,” he giggles to Chopper. “You guys won’t play a bunch of songs and have fun without me if I leave to take him to bed, right?”

Franky must have heard him as he shoots him a thumbs up and says, “We wouldn’t dream of it, bro!”

Robin smiles. “Take all the time you need.”

“Do you need some help, or, uh,” Usopp says. “Do you want to be alone? Like alone-alone—”

“Ugh, don’t be gross,” Nami says. “Besides, Sanji-kun’s basically unconscious.”

“I think Sanji-san would wake up for something as important as that,” Brook says. 

“You don’t be gross, either!” 

Zoro glances around the circle, squinting suspiciously. “What the hell are you guys talking about?”

Chopper wants to ask the same question, but Usopp waves both his hands, chanting, “Nothing, nothing.”

Luffy nudges Sanji again to check for wakefulness before looping his arms under Sanji’s knees and shoulders to pick him up. Luffy takes only a few steps before Chopper hurries after him. “I should come, too. Bring him down to the mens’ room, and I’ll grab some water and snacks and stuff for if he wakes up. Because he should really eat something after drinking that much.”

Luffy smiles and smiles wider when Chopper rushes ahead of him to hold the doors between them and the men’s quarter open. Luffy lays Sanji down in one of the beds with far more care than Chopper is used to seeing from the man who regularly launches his crew members across the deck. Luffy goes about taking off Sanji’s jacket and shoes, and Chopper only scampers off once Luffy catches him lingering in the doorway. 

Chopper returns carrying bread, bananas, water, and headache medicine. As a last minute thought, he transforms into human point to also carry a small waste bin from the kitchen, just in case. Before he can dart into the room, Chopper hears murmured conversation from inside. Or at least, Sanji’s half of the conversation is murmured. 

“—you and Zoro are so funny!” he hears Luffy say. “Even if everyone was being dumb and voting wrong. They’re pretty stupid, Sanji.”

Luffy pauses, during which Chopper assumes Sanji is saying something and Luffy is oddly listening quietly. “We do!” Luffy says after a moment. “It’s fun. I didn’t think keeping secrets would be fun, but it’s exciting. Everyone else gets to figure out the mystery secret.” Another pause, then, “But it’s still fun!”

Chopper’s ears pick up at the mention of a secret. Sometimes Usopp would share secret plans or secret stories with Chopper, and those are always fun, so if there is a secret then Chopper would like to know it so he can keep it, too.

Chopper shoulders the door open, and Luffy grins up at him as he shuffles over. Chopper sets down his supplies on a nearby end table and Luffy laughs when he sees the waste bin. “Hey, Sanji, are you gonna throw up?”

Sanji lets a breath out through his nose, his face half buried in his pillow. “No.”

One of Luffy’s hands is tangled in Sanji’s hair, and he toussels it around enough that both closed eyes are somewhat visible. “You sure?”

Sanji opens his eyes just enough to glare at him. “Yes.”

“Chopper thinks you will.”

“Tell Chopper to go fuck himself.”

“Chopper’s right here.”

Sanji shifts to look Chopper up and down. “I’m not gonna throw up… shitty reindeer.”

Luffy grins and brushes his fingers through Sanji’s hair, messing it up even further. “I thought Sanji was gonna be mad in the morning, but he’s mad now,” he says to Chopper. 

Sanji groans, swatting at Luffy’s hand to little avail. Chopper holds the water glass out to Luffy. “Get him to drink this. It’ll help.”

“Sanji!” Luffy shouts, thrusting the glass into his face, causing the water to lap over the edges. “Chopper says this will help!”

“I fucking heard him. Just let me—” Sanji’s efforts to push himself up fail, and Luffy jumps to help. 

“Drink slowly,” Chopper says. “Don’t—Luffy, you’re making him spill!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Luffy giggles. 

“Someone’s having a good time,” Sanji mumbles, letting his head fall back onto Luffy’s shoulder. 

“Yup,” Luffy says. “You’re funny like this.”

Luffy again repositions Sanji, cradling the back of his head to let him rest more properly on the crook of his neck. Sanji pushes uselessly at Luffy’s chest, saying something incomprehensible about Chopper being there as Luffy again starts petting Sanji’s hair. 

“Hey Chopper,” Luffy says. “I’m gonna stay down here. Tell the others—”

“No, go have fun,” Sanji says, voice muffled. “I’m—shit.”

“Nah, I wanna stay here. Someone should stay with Sanji, right Chopper?”

Chopper startles at being addressed. “That wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

“See? Chopper said it was a good idea.”

Sanji is quiet for another moment before wrapping an arm around Luffy’s shoulder. “Sorry. You shouldn’t have to—”

“But I want to. And no one can make me do something I don’t want to. So you should learn from me, and tell me what you want to do.”

“I want you to go have fun—”

“Sanji.”

It’s only thanks to his superior reindeer hearing that Chopper is able to make out Sanji whispering, “Stay. Please.”

Luffy’s grin is brighter than normal.

Chopper opens his mouth to ask a question when the answer hits him all at once. The sixth out of seven lights flickers on. “I, um,” he stammers. “I’ll go tell the others! Have a nice night, bye!”

He dashes back out onto the deck, and is thankful his fur hides his blushing when the others—minus Zoro—start laughing at his flustered state. 

-

Everyone on the ship has lost their minds. They whisper and giggle and say things that just don’t make any goddamn sense. Then they roll their eyes when Zoro tells them they’re being weird. 

The other day, Luffy was rambling about something Sanji did, and Zoro said something totally normal—he can’t even remember what, probably a comment about how the cook was fucking annoying. Luffy’s eyes got really wide before he burst out laughing and clapped his feet together. “Zoro’s an idiot!” he shouted before running off. “Hey, hey, Usopp! Zoro’s an idiot!”

And there’s just something so insulting about being called stupid by the guy who thinks south is the direction that’s warmest. Because south is down. 

Nami told him she’s impressed at just how little he pays attention. Robin gave him a deeply pitying smile and delicately touched Franky’s shoulder, telling him that Zoro was likely going to need someone to look out for him in the future. Chopper gaped and was dragged away by Usopp, who called over his shoulder that if Zoro hadn’t gotten it yet he probably never would. And Brook told him that maybe he’s not the only one who doesn’t have eyes. 

Then there was the time he was itching for a sparring match and approached the cook. It was easy to rile him up into a fight, and Zoro went in with one of his old standards—implying Nami and Robin were less than perfect angels gracing the rest of the crew with their mere presence. “The girls were damn annoying today. As soon as you and Luffy left for supplies, they started giggling for no reason and wouldn’t stop for hours.”

To his surprise, Sanji didn’t attempt to kick his head in. Instead he took a long drag on his cigarette. “Huh.”

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

“Well that, and you’re a fucking idiot, mosshead.”

At the very least, Zoro did get his sparring match. 

Zoro came to the conclusion that there was probably some crew wide prank going on against him. It was pretty impressive how long they had managed to keep it up without dropping the punchline, especially since he suspected Luffy was the ringleader. 

Luffy also kept randomly vanishing for a few hours at a time every couple of days. Zoro did have his own schedule, but he made sure to vaguely know his captain’s whereabouts at all times. It’d been going on for some time ever since they got the Sunny. Zoro could respect that even someone like Luffy probably needed solitude every so often. It was still strange how he’d scamper below deck and then pop up hours later with no mention of the lapsed time.

It is during one of these stretches that Zoro asks aloud, to know one in particular, “Where the hell does Luffy run off to all the time?”

On the deck, Usopp and Chopper are both tinkering with something and neither look up when he speaks. “Wherever adventure is,” Usopp says.

“No, I mean right now.”

Chopper’s head snaps up, and he starts tugging at Usopp’s sleeve. “Should we tell him?”

“Absolutely not.”

Brook approaches, continuously playing his violin. “Yo-ho-ho, is Zoro-san finally getting curious?”

Zoro scowls at the three. If there was anyone he could intimidate a secret out of, it was definitely these three. “Someone wanna tell me what the hell is going on?”

“Nope,” Usopp says. “I wanna keep living.”

“Oh that’s right,” Chopper says, shuddering. “He’d probably be really mad if we told Zoro.”

Zoro thinks he, himself, is getting pretty mad. 

“Perhaps Zoro-san should investigate himself,” Brook says.

“Are you kidding? That’d end in complete disaster,” Usopp says. “Franky would have to rebuild half the ship.”

“Not half the ship. Just a few rooms most likely,” Brook says. “And thinking about him finding out right now makes my heart race. Except I don’t have a heart.”

“And not a brain, either, if you’re really suggesting this,” Usopp says. 

Zoro decides he’s had enough of them talking about him like he’s not there. He stands up, brushes himself off and yells over his shoulder that he’ll just look for Luffy on his own. Usopp and Chopper both shout in protest while Brook laughs.

Luffy isn’t in any of his usual places—no aquarium bar, the kitchen’s weirdly empty, thank god he’s not in the training room messing with Zoro’s stuff, and Robin smiles when he checks the library and asks her if she’s seen him around.

She takes a long moment to mark her place in her book and gently close the cover. “Why, Swordsman-san, it is late afternoon. So I would guess he’s taking an afternoon nap.”

“No,” Zoro says. “Deck’s empty.”

“Perhaps in the mens’ quarters to get out of the sun. Be quiet when you enter so you don’t wake him.”

Zoro doesn’t trust Robin’s smiles on the best of days, let alone when everyone is plotting against him. But she does make a good point, so Zoro strides straight to the mens’ room and opens the door.

Luffy is there. And Sanji is there, too. And they’re sitting very close together on one of the beds. At the sound of Zoro’s entrance, Sanji pulls away from the kiss and turns red faster than Zoro has ever seen. 

The last of the seven lights click on. Zoro says, “What the fuck—”

Zoro blames his broken nose on being in a state of shock and thus unable to block the fiery boot that collided with his head. 

At the very least, Chopper doesn’t say ‘I told you so’ while patching him up. He does scold Sanji, who hasn’t stopped blushing for the past half hour. “It was his fault!” Sanji shouts. “He was just watching like a shitty pervert!”

“It’s okay,” Luffy says, looping his arms around Sanji. “Now everybody knows! It took Zoro soooo long. I even told him, and he still didn’t get it.”

“You did not tell me.”

“Yes, I did. I told you I really like Sanji and that he was fun to hug and stuff.”

Sanji buries his face in his hands. “Luffy, you know he’s too stupid to get that.”

“But then I told him that I love Sanji, and he still didn’t understand.”

“I thought you meant as a friend!” Zoro splutters in his defense. “Or his stupid cooking or something! How was I supposed to know he meant you were fucking!?”

Sanji tries to wrench himself free from Luffy’s grip to break Zoro’s nose a second time. “No fighting in the infirmary!” Chopper says, holding his tiny arms out as if that would stop a rampaging Sanji. 

Luffy, as usual, seems to find the whole thing hilarious. He pats Sanji’s face and tugs him over to sit down against the wall and away from Zoro’s bedside. Sanji groans again and goes back to hiding his face, this time by pressing his forehead to his knees. Luffy sidles up to him and slips an arm over his shoulders. Now that Zoro thinks about it, Luffy sure did do that a lot to Sanji in particular. 

Zoro starts to think everything over again. He knows Luffy is a straightforward guy and trusts him to just say whatever was on his mind, so he never had reason to look too deeply into his actions. He also actively pays anti-attention to Sanji, meaning that was a lost cause to begin with. But still, the pieces that were there began to click together. 

“So the reason Luffy goes on supply runs is because—”

“Dates!”

“And the cook cuddles up to you when he’s drinking because—”

“Sanji gets less embarrassed when he’s drunk.”

“And you both disappear to…” Zoro trails off, flushing slightly himself when he remembers he just answered that question moments ago. 

Luffy giggles. 

“How long has this been going on?”

Luffy tilts his head. “I asked Sanji to join my crew and be my boyfriend back on the funny ship that looked like a fish. The Baratie.”

“And I said no,” Sanji says to the floor. “To both.”

“But then you changed your mind! To both!”

“Wait,” Chopper says. “Isn’t the Baratie where Sanji is from? Has it really been that long!?”

“Are you serious?” Zoro asks. “What the hell was I doing?”

Sanji finally looks up at him, his expression asking if Zoro could be any more stupid. “Bleeding to death after getting stabbed?”

Oh, right. Zoro comforts himself by acknowledging everything immediately before and after his duel with Mihawk was kind of a blur. He huffs and crosses his arms. “You still shouldn’t have kept it a secret. What? Were you afraid we’d judge you? Are you a big enough idiot to be embarrassed of Luffy?”

“Fuck you, of course not,” Sanji says. “And it was barely a secret. I just asked Luffy to tone it down on the PDA because the Merry was so fucking small, and he decided to make it a game.”

“I got to be sneaky,” Luffy says. “And also Sanji’s shy.”

Sanji gives Luffy a look that very much says not-in-front-of-the-mosshead. Luffy responds by pecking him on the lips. “But I still love you,” Luffy says. Sanji flushes and goes back to hiding his face in his hands, mumbling a very quiet reciprocation of the sentiment. Luffy laughs, wrapping both arms around Sanji. “I told you he was shy!”

“Luffy,” Sanji sighs. 

Luffy kisses his cheek. “Love you!”

“Love you, too…”

Zoro thinks he might vomit. “Just because I know now doesn’t mean you guys get to,” he gestures vaguely at them. “Do that all the time all over the ship.”

Sanji gives him a dirty look but agrees. “We won’t.”

Luffy says, “The captain gets to decide that! So, Sanji, I love you.”

Sanji looks exasperated for a half second before seeming to accept his fate. “Love you, too.”

“Is that going to happen a lot now?” Chopper asks. “You guys saying stuff like that?”

“Yup!” Luffy says. “Because that’s the rule. If someone you love says ‘I love you,’ you have to say it back. Before when we were being sneaky, I had to figure out other ways to say it. And Sanji did, too!”

The smile Luffy gives Sanji is so bright and full of light, it eclipses nearly everything else. And from its shine, Zoro wonders how any of them could have ever missed it.

Then Luffy says, “Also, Zoro, it’s a good thing you walked in on us ‘cause Robin told me that when a captain gets married, they can’t perform their own wedding. So the first mate has to ovulate.”

Zoro isn’t sure what part of what Luffy just said he likes the least. 

“Officiate!” Sanji shouts. “You meant officiate!”

“But that’s what I said?”

“You—you know what? It doesn’t matter. Because I do love you—”

“I love you, too!”

“—But I will not be married by the mosshead.”

“Why?” Luffy asks. “You think he wouldn’t do it right?”

“I _know_ he’d fuck it up.”

For some reason, Zoro is deeply offended by that. Despite Chopper’s protests, he leaps to his feet to get in Sanji’s face and tell him how dumb and wrong he is. It’s quite possibly the stupidest fight they’ve ever had, and the entire time, Luffy laughs and lights up the room.

**Author's Note:**

> After a year hiatus, I figured I would post a One Piece fic on Sanji's birthday... and maybe another one next week for Franky's birthday. 
> 
> My apologies to a certain fishman for not being in this fic, but I wanted to keep the timeline as ambiguous as possible (because it's easier and also funnier depending on how much time you choose to believe this fic spans). My apologies also to Zoro as this fic gives him a bit of a hard time, but I think giving Zoro a hard time is also in the spirit of Sanji's birthday.


End file.
